Loss

Knowing that I will never be able to spend time with my grandma again, puts a crack on my heart that can never be put back together.

Almost everyday my father tells me that I am just like her. He tells me how I have the same features as her and how my personality is exactly like her.  She had blonde hair and brilliant brown eyes, just like mine. She had a brightening personality that would light up the room, and everyone would just want to listen to her talk. It has always been a dream for me to be able to just spend one more day with her so I can get to know her better and be able to just learn from all her knowledge. My grandma was someone that my father was always close to, but I am never going to have the chance to have that closeness that he had with her. 

I remember my dad would tell me how she was a good listener and I saw that for the short time that I knew her. Anytime he had a problem with work or anything general in life, she was there to listen and give him advice. She was known for having big elephant like ears and sat with great standing up posture that assured you that she was going to listen to everything that you said.  He also remembers how she would make my dad his favorite kook-aid. It was always grape or orange flavored. She would sneak in sugar with out telling her husband for my dad since it was so expensive during that time, just because my dad loved to drink it that way.

She would also wear the same clothing all the time and never changed the way she dressed. She did not care what people thought of her. She wanted people to see her for what she truly was and not how she looked. 

If I could spend just one more day with my grandma, I would plan many things. First, I would wake up early on the beach with her and watch the sun rise. I remember the stories my dad told me of how she loved to wake up early and go to the lake just to watch the sun and hear all the boat engines roar throughout the sky. She never got the chance to do this by the actual ocean. I thought it would be neat to bring her out into the waves and watch as the sun set across the blue water. 

If I still had time left in the day, I would show my grandma the passion I have of playing the sport of volleyball. It's my life and I would love for her to see me play in just one game and show how I play it and work hard all for her. My dad always told me how she loved seeing him play football and how it made her proud. I want to give her that same feeling about me playing volleyball just like it makes my dad proud to watch me play. To be able to spend one more day with her, it would mean the world to me and would be the best day of my life. 

My grandma died on my sixth birthday. I remember that day clearly in my head even though I was just a toddler. I was waiting for her to come to the barbecue at my house to celebrate and Tumble Gym and to see her bursting smile in the room and her wearing her favorite magenta moo-moo dress, but she never showed up. That was when my dad got the call that she passed away from a medical accident. I didn’t understand what my mother was telling me about what happened. I didn’t believe it. She was gone. My favorite person was away and she wouldn’t wake up.